To Tolerate or Not To Tolerate

Pleasing others is not something I set out to do on a regular basis, however, I do care about the one’s I consider to be my friends, as well as their overall happiness. I also like to contribute to their happiness if I can. But to what point does one realize that their actions in this aspect are not even recognized, merely because the “other” person may not think in that perspective? I never have been real good at being a friend; so therefore, I never really had many friends. I have always known people, categorizing them as acquaintances, rather than friends. I have also had a few friendships where both of us had pretty much considered our friendship as the coined “best” friend status, but those were never able to stand the tests of time.

The older I get, the less I socialize, and the less I find that I want to even go through the process of obtaining and maintaining friends. To only result in leaving me friendless in the end. However, along the way I have encountered a few lifelong, honest to god friends. At times I do find myself questioning the rights and wrongs, as well as expected duties required by me to my very limited amount of real friends. I often feel that I just don’t quite measure up to others expectations or standards, when really I just don’t know how to act, due to my lack of “friendship” experience. I find that I am constantly trying to make someone happy, or trying to do what I can to live up to their expectations. I feel that no matter what I say, I always seem to choose the wrong reply. I have even began to test out this lil’ theory of mine by meticulously replying with different responses than I normally would, just to see if the other responses are actually what the other is wanting to hear. I have found that it does not matter what I say, they seem to always be the wrong reply, thus leading me to conclude that maybe it is not me, nor is it my lack thereof that is the real problem.

I conclude that deep within the other person must lay some form of personal resentment in regards to me, and that they call me a friend, but really they are just merely tolerating me. Hmmmm. To wrap my head around this? Blog this*!

The older I get, the less I socialize, and the less I find that I want to even go through the process of obtaining and maintaining friends. They call me a friend, but really they are just merely tolerating me.

 

How to make Friends

 

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1. Go in Blind

How about a blind date? Well you don’t have to kiss the person, especially if they have funky breath or something, you just have to meet them. Have someone you do know set you up with a stranger. It is almost like a little adventure. You could even use social media to find someone. If things go poorly you’ll be less likely to freak out about it since you are just out looking for a friend instead of a lover.

2. Do you

Coming back to the cliché category, you should just try being yourself. I know I know I hate that phrase too. Every person has heard it, and the first thing that pops into your head is, “well I’ve been trying that for 20 years and look where that has got me!” Well think of it a little different. Instead of be yourself, try don’t be afraid to be yourself. Do the things you like to do. You want to go skydiving? Go do it, but first give me your bank account info just in case. If you like to read, go do so at a library or bookstore. There is a very good chance that people with similar interests can be found out doing the things you like to do. If someone catches your eye in

troduce yourself, you can even go in blind! Just don’t knock stuff over.

3. Smile

This might seem like a no brainer, but everyone around you feels more comfortable when a person is smiling. And did you know that people who smile are seen as more attractive, nicer, and more approachable than those with a neutral expression? So go ahead and show those pearly whites, and if they are not so white, try Crest.

And those are some of the tips and tricks I have on making friends. I’m always looking for new ideas so check back often! Making friends is not ea

sy, but everyone is looking for friends. So go in blind if you have to, don’t be afraid to be yourself, don’t be afraid to ask personal questions, and set some goals for yourself. And remember to smile!

4. Keep Trying

It is easy to give up after one rejection after another, but do not give up! Making friends it not easy, just like pursuing a romantic interest. Yo

u pass notes to them like in grade school, you send flowers, and you invite them out to thing you know they like. You can do these things for friends too. Maybe not flowers, a card will do. It could be as easy as sending a coworker an email asking if they want to get lunch.

Remember to be yourself, ask questions that develop intimacy and don’t give up. Stay friendly everyone!